“The Ballad Of Sam And Nam”

(Pic of LBJ is projected onto screen.) Incumbent President, incumbent President, why don't you end your cruel war? Embrace my tactics, ignore my critics, those Nervous Nellies, who'd cut and run. (Pic of R. Nixon is projected onto screen) Replacement candidate, replacement candidate, do you agree to end this war? Support my campaign, because I maintain, I have a plan to end the war.[Repetition of previous line] (+ secret plan to end the war).

(Pic of congress building projected onto screen) Star-spangled congressman, star-spangled congressman, why don't you move to end this war? Before we legislate we must procrastinate or we might aid our enemy. (Pic of supreme court projected onto screen) Supreme court justices, supreme court justices, decide this war's legality. We're very sorry, but your petition we refuse to hear.[Repetition of lyrics as before] (+ why don't you come back next year?) (Pic of cross is projected onto screen) Most rev'rend clergyman, most rev'rend clergyman, will you condemn this unjust war? Our foes are godless, our troops he does bless, He'll help us win this holy war. (Mob scene is projected onto screen) Oh brainwashed public, oh brainwashed public, when will you shake your apathy? Grant us one request, forget your protest, before you ruin the economy. The war means jobs for you and me, and must go on perpetually. [Repetition of line until the end of song]

“We Love You Uncle Sam” Part 1 And 2

(Part One)

We love you, we love you Uncle Sam; You can brag, you can boast, 'cause you're the greatest, like you're the most! We adore you Uncle Sam. When you leave, and say, "Goodbye," we sit around all day and cry! Because we love Uncle Sam. [Lyrics repeated in "stop" time] (+ ...not Davis Junior!) We admire you Uncle Sammy, we know you're a gentlemun, gentle man. We equate you with our Mammy; she lives down in Alabamy. [Repeat of original lyric, ending with a cheer]

(Part Two)

Mainly a dance. "My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Your country exploits me, keeps me in poverty, oppressing thing! Go home, beat it, scram! You dirty old man. Go home, get lost, drop dead! DROP DEAD!"

“The Black Box”

[WASHINGTON] They shove you in and bolt the door; the walls are padded and so is the floor.
You're in the Black Box! The Black Box? The Black Box!
[FRANKLIN] You hope and pray for a gleam of light,
The party's over, its perpetual night.
You're in the black box, etc.
[JEFFERSON] You're all alone and you want to call home,
You can't talk to mommy 'cause there's no telephone.
You're in the Black Box, etc.
It's cold and clammy and your bedding will stink!
[HAMILTON] There ain't no water and there ain't no sink.
You're in the Black Box, etc.
A place of torment, of desolate abandonment!
[FRANKLIN] There's no TV, no stereo,
You can't watch a movie or a video.
You're in the Black Box, etc.
[HAMILTON] There's no radio, no clock on the wall,
You feel so wretched that you want to bawl!
You're in the Black Box, etc.
[JEFFERSON] You scream, you holler, you curse and shout!
You beg, you plead, but they don't let you out!
You're in the Black Box, etc.
So be a good boy and toe the line,
[FRANKLIN] Or you'll wind up where Mr. Sun don't shine!
Inside the Black Box, etc.
[ALL] THE BLACK BOX!!

“In Revolutionary Times”

[WASHINGTON, FRANKLIN, JEFFERSON, HAMILTON, SAM] In good old revolutionary times, good old times;
Those wonderful pre-constitutionary times.
[WASHINGTON] Life was unsophisticated in those happy, golden days;
In good old revolutionary times;
Good old, happy golden times.
Before our independence we were a colony,
The property of England, our parent 'cross the sea.
[ALL] But she imposed high taxes, neglecting our okay.
So, "Give us liberty--or death!" is what we had to say.
(But she imposed high taxes...etc.)
[HAMILTON] And then came that tea party, 'twas held in Boston town.
To help convince the British to bring their tariffs down, a band of local patriots, attired in costumes gay, obtained a batch of English tea, and brewed it in the bay!
[ALL] (A band of local patriots ... etc.)
[WASHINGTON] Well, the British sent an army,
But we had Paul Revere,
To warn the population if those redcoats should come near.
One day he rode past midnight, while spreading the alarm:
To ev-'ry village, Middlesex, ev-'ry cottage, ev-'ry farm!
[ALL] (One day he rode past midnight...etc.)
[HAMILTON] Do you recall that winter we camped at Valley Forge?
Oh it was so cold, so frosty, do you remember, George?
And while our army shivered, and shrank to numbers small;
Nearby, in Philadelphia, those English rascals had themselves ... a ball!
[ALL] Oh yes, they had a ball, a ball. (DANCE)
[Reprise of opening lines in brackets]
At Lexington and Concord, and also Bunker Hill,
We showed King George of England, we'd do no tyrant's will.
We trapped the foe at Yorktown, secured the victory,
And won for young America a place in history!
A place in history!
(Shouted) HISTORY!

“Early To Bed”

[BEN FRANKLIN] Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. Yes, early to bed and early to rise will make you healthy, wealthy and wise. [Repeat]
Early to bed...etc.
When goaded by ambition to make yourself a name;
I recommend a motto, 'twill help achieve your aim.
When prompted by some grim event to employ dissimulation,
Invoke this little rule of thumb and thus avoid temptation.
For, honesty is the best policy.
Inscribe this advice in your memory.
Young men if you'd climb to the top of the tree,
Honesty is the best policy.
[Repeat as before] (Honesty is...etc.,)
Take it from me, try it and see,
Honesty is the best policy, the best policy.
[ALL] Oh, lying is unethical so always tell the truth.
Don't imitate that naughty lad, that young man who cried, "Wolf!"
Remember as the twig is bent so grows the tree.
Success will come to those who cultivate integrity.
[HAMILTON] Permit me to share a sentiment, an ideological condiment.
Although I served in government,
I'd rather be right than President.
[ALL] He'd rather be right than President;
He'd rather be right than President.
Although he has served in government,
He'd rather be right than President.
[FRANKLIN] Birdies of a feather are known to flock together;
[ALL]So choose companions wisely, and be a credit to your mother.
[WASHINGTON] And don't employ profanity, it should not be repeated.
[HAMILTON] No, never utter nasty words like ...
"expletive deleted!"
[ALL] No, never utter nasty words like "expletive deleted!"

[ALL] [DANCE]
[Reprise] Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. Yes, early to bed and early to rise will make you healthy, wealthy and wise.
Oh, so wise!

“Bat Song”

[BATSAM] Robin, listen, pay attention please,
While I, explain, tell you how it is.
Robin, listen to me while I tell you all about the situation
That a super power, super duper leading nation;
Robin, pay attention while I undertake your education,
Listen to my explanation of the current situation.
Robin pay attention, listen closely
While I undertake your indoctrination.
Their aggression ever does increase,
We must fight them so that wars may cease!
They are seeking domination
Of the total population;
Keeping them in subjugation,
Crushing self-determination;
Filling us with indignation
For this gross abomination!
It is our policy to defend liberty.
Never peace at any price.
Better dead than red!
Do you comprehend what I said?
[ROBIN] BatSam, you cannot be serious,
Surely you must be delirious,
BatSam, baby, we gave our word.
Ev-'rybody knows we gave our word!
[BATSAM] Don't be glum, lil' bat chum,
Your partner, no vile crumb!
Let's do what must be done,
Leave annoying scruples to a higher power,
Leave them to a higher power.
[BatSam & Robin sing together]
[ROBIN] BatSam, you cannot be serious...etc.
[BATSAM] Don't be glum, lil' bat chum.
Your partner, no vile crumb.
Let's do what must be done.
Leave annoying scruples to a...leave them to a higher power.
It is our policy, to defend liberty.
Give thanks for democracy.
We promised to aid them in their struggle to be free.
[BOTH] We gave our word!
[BATSAM] Dreamer! Wake up! Don't you see the light?
It's a tough world in which might makes right!
We endorse negotiation
To avoid a confrontation,
Stemming from a provocation,
Forcing our retaliation,
Leading to annihilation,
Causing the obliteration,
Ending in extermination
Of our entire civilization!
[BATSAM] Come, Robin, sing along,
"My country, right or wrong."
Love it or leave it!
Shape up or ship out! (Pause)
[Batman Theme]
I'll go to Canada! (Canada) I'll fly to Canada! (Canada)
I'll get my ticket at the station,
(Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!) and flee to Canada!
(Canada) Out of my way!
I'll but a ticket and I'll make my get away!
[ROBIN] Don't go to Canada. (Canada)
Don't fly to Canada. (Canada)
Don't get a ticket at the station.
(Uh! Uh! Uh!)) and flee to Canada! (Canada)
Stay right here!
I feel like giving you a swift kick in the rear!
[BATSAM] [Spoken] If I can't go to Canada,
I'll go to Sweden instead!

[Song ends with dancing: polka, waltz & disco, Batman Theme.]

“Secret Documents. ‘The Bogus Opera’”

[CONCERNED CITIZENS] Sir! A word with you, about the war.
Tell us how we got involved! How soon can this war be resolved!
Tell us how did we get involved? How soon can this war be resolved?
Tell us how, why did we get involved? How soon can this war be resolved?
[CONGRESSMAN] Secret documents have I, documents revealing why;
Everything they clarify, these documents our intervention justifies!
[CONCERNED CITIZENS] Secret documents has he, documents we'd like to see;
Share them with us, grant our plea, and thus relieve our most intense anxiety.
[CONGRESSMAN] Captured documents have I, captured documents large supply;
Access to them I deny, to your request, my friends, I negatively do reply.
[CONCERNED CITIZENS] Captured documents has he, captured from the enemy;
Why does he respond adversely?
Show us these documents or risk our animosity!
[CONGRESSMAN] Do you dare (So, so stingy!) to threaten, to threaten me? (Animosity!) And question my (So, so stingy!) veracity? My veracity! (Animosity)
Do you dare, dare to threaten me? And question my veracity! (So stingy!)
[CONCERNED CITIZENS] Keep your temper don't get sore.
We are curious, nothing more.
In our face why shut the door?
Produce these documents respectfully we do implore, we do implore.
[CONGRESSMAN] I offer my apology. I will now speak candidly. Your request can never be for reasons of security!
[CONCERNED CITIZENS] Secret documents has he, documents we'd like to see.
Our request can never be for reasons of, for reasons of...For reasons of...
(cadenza) security. Secure, security; Secure, security. Security, security.
For reasons of, for reasons of security. For reasons of, for reasons of security!

“Unspoken War Prayer”

[CHAPLIN & MRS. LIBERTY] Oh Lord, our father, our young patriots
Idols of our hearts go forth to battle.
Be thou near them, with them in spirit;
We also go from the sweet peace of our beloved firesides to smite the foe.
Oh Lord, our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells.
Help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead.
Help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the wounded, writhing in pain!
Help us to lay waste their humble homes with the hurricane of fire!
Help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief!
Help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended
Over wastes of their desolated land, in rags and hunger and thirst.
Sport of the sun flames of summer, and the icy winds of winter.
Broken in spirit, worn with travail.
Imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave, and denied it, for our sakes,
who adore Thee Lord.
Blast their hopes! Blight their lives!
Protract their bitter pilgrimage!
Make heavy their steps!
Water their way with their tears!
Stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet!
We ask of One, who is the spirit of love;
And who is the ever faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset,
and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts.
Grant our prayer, oh Lord,
And, Thine shall be the praise and honor and glory,
Now and forever.
Amen. Amen.